In America we eat man semen.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All the doctor said was why
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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