but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
