We won't sleep together?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
