I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
