Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
try to milk me bitch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
