Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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