you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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