The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
