ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
