why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
