A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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