Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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