You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize