I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
