I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
