So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
