Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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