perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
