You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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