I cockslap morals
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
