3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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