I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
