it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
