dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
