I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just google imaged poop.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
