Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
