She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
