I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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