Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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