You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can I color on your dick again?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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