I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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