Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
