first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
