After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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