So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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