If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
