Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
