even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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