you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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