hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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