Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
