I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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