Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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