We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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