Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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