Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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