Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize