i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
