So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
