I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
