I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
