She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
