Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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