i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
