I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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