Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
