Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
