Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
