did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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