Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize