he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
