...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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