Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
