Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
