He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
