You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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