first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
