come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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