Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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