this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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