i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
