Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
