i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
