Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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