Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
