I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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