i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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