I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We need to get me chipped asap
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
