I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
