why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
