Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
