My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
