all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i believe in u and ur pee
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize