I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
