Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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