when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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