We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
