im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
