Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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