I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
