I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize