I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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