I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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