god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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