Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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