Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
