Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
