I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
