i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
