dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize