it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
