One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
